Strength

I have felt that as a strong woman I did not want to cry – ever. Sometimes I did alone but not in front of people. Just held it in. Lately when I hear a worship song, sing a worship song, take communion or pray tears come to my eyes. It is such an emotional thing to commune with God, to feel close to my maker. I am happy. There have been many times that I felt emotional in church and tears came to my eyes because of unresolved conflicts in my life. Those were not happy tears. My own state of mind belies my attitude. I want to wear a sign that says “I am happy” when joy fills my heart and tears fill my eyes.

I knew a young lady named Sarah Maneses that died of cancer when she was a senior in high school. I met Sarah because our youngest son, Paul, went to a high school event with a group of kids from another high school. Sarah was a part of that group. She had already lost her hair and wore scarves or a wig sometimes. She distinguished herself from other kids her age by wearing lots of bracelets (10 to 15) on her left arm. She wore bright colored tennis shoes – one pink, the other purple - and bright laces. I could tell right off that she was very imaginative and creative. She had a smile that lit up the room! She and Paul hit it off right away and they spent time together off and on over the next few months. I had the opportunity to spend some time with her as well. A high school friend had introduced her to Jesus and she fell in love with Him! Her faith was so evident. She was excited to tell everyone about Him. I remember as she got weaker she was in a wheel chair and her facial muscles didn’t work. A group of us went out to lunch after she was baptized and Sarah wore a sign that said “I am happy” on her chest because she couldn’t smile. That made all of us smile! And of course she wanted everyone in the restaurant to know that she was just baptized. What an angel!

The next few months were very difficult for Sarah and the strongest young woman I know became weaker and weaker. I had the opportunity to pray with her and read Ecclesiastes which she loved. She was a great inspiration to those who were a part of her life. She is in the arms of God now and I’m sure God is using her imagination and creativity for great things there!

So when you see me in church with tears in my eyes, I may not be wearing a sign that says “I am happy”, but rest assured I am happy, worshiping with all of my heart, feeling close to God and others who are already with Him waiting. God’s strength is shown in our weakness.